Do Octuplets Need a Father?

What do you think about Nadya Suleman, the Los Angeles-area single mom of six who last month gave birth to octuplets? “Octuplet Mother Also Gives Birth to Ethical Debate,” Washington Post, Feb. 3 http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/03/AR2009020303935.html; “Octuplets – Why?” Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28 http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-woodwell28-2009jan28,0,1139601.story.

I applaud her decision to remain firm in what must have been extreme opposition to carrying eight babies long enough for them all to survive (even though No. 8 was a surprise). But after I learned that she was unmarried and that she possibly had all 14 children by in-vitro fertilization, I wondered, what was she thinking: 14 children less than 8 years old?!! The world’s response has been largely negative.

Many people believe she should have used “selective abortion” to eliminate most of the fetuses and give the remaining few a better chance to be born healthy. Others are indignant that she might not be able to support her children and rely on public funds to take care of them. Still others are disgusted that she might take advantage of the publicity and use her children as a meal ticket. Some, like me, are uncomfortable with a single women choosing to birth and raise children without a husband. Everyone in the world seems to have an opinion about what Nadya should or should not have done. So I wondered, what did she do that was so wrong?

Psalm 127: 3-5 extols children as a gift from God. Sons are a heritage and children a reward; a man is blessed “whose quiver is full of them.” He will not be ashamed before his enemies. The children of a good woman will “arise and call her blessed.” Proverbs 31:28. Jacob had 13 recorded children, even though they did not all have the same mother. Genesis 46.

The Duggars have 17 children, or possibly 18 now. (See “17 Kids and Counting,” on TLC). Although we may question their sanity, no one appears to vilify their choice to raise a large family or, presumably, to make money as participants on a reality TV show.

The Duggars are outspokenly Christian and have an intact family. Jim Bob, the dad, is always around. The kids are clean and well-behaved. Mother Michelle never raises her voice. They are always grinning. That is a family we don’t worry about. And even though Jon and Kate, with sextuplets and twins (see “John & Kate Plus Eight,” also on TLC), snarl and nag at each other, Jon pretty much does his share.

Do you think, perhaps, we are frightened by a single woman so blatantly and unapologetically in control of her own reproduction?

Women yearn for children, and that longing doesn’t always remain dormant until a man and a consecrated union makes the conception, birth and rearing of children morally acceptable. Advances in technology make pregnancy possible without the sin of unmarried sex. Even though I don’t agree with Nadya’s choice, I understand why she made it.

Christians almost universally believe in the God-designed family unit: One male plus one female equals children. We believe that family is created by the blessed union of marriage. God exemplified what he wanted family to look like when he created Adam and Eve and instructed them about how to live together. He reaffirmed families when against cultural odds he miraculously shepherded the marriage of Mary and Joseph, the union into which Jesus was born. We celebrate the validity of what God created and zealously guard it as best we can.

But the reality is that we don’t all live in Duggarland. Death, divorce and irresponsible fathers force many women to raise their children alone. Our church recognizes the struggle these families have. More than that, the men in our church empathize. I’ve been in meetings at which strong, stoic men have wept and prayed over the needs of the fatherless. Although nothing organized to step into the place of absent fathers has materialized, I believe a process is in incubation. At the right time, the Holy Spirit will implement the plan. And it will likely be big enough to include the Nadyas of the world – or at least in Los Angeles.

So I’ve decided to reserve my judgment about Nadya’s motherhood. I may never know whether she is incredibly brave or extremely foolhardy. But this I do know: even if those 14 precious souls she created have a male figure in their lives, they still need a Father. I pray someone introduces them.